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To the Girl Across the Way KM Settle

Description

Elsie Nichols is the Librarian of the Old Library of the palace of Brierwood, which is under the reign of King William Phillips. There is a love triangle, but will love ultimately win or will it be a catalyst of possible ruin and tragedy? Book 1 discusses the beginnings of such a story of our young librarian and where her heart goes, but there are two men who fight for her and neither gives up. Each have their values and why she should be with them. One uses the past to try and convince her to come to him, while the other reveals his own past and brings her to his side, but will she leave man number two like everyone else?

Length

  • 48365 words
  • About 193 pages
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6 comments on "To the Girl Across the Way"

Nobody359 on June 2, 2017, 2:49 p.m. said:

Nobody359


THIS IS AN AMAZING BOOK! I LOVE THE HEARTBREAK AND THE LOVE YOU HAVE PUT INTO IT. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON THIS PIECE!

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Molly.Shannon on March 29, 2017, 10:16 p.m. said:

Molly.Shannon


It's fantastic, a name for this country/setting would be appreciated as would some more plot outside of the library. The writer could use improvement on their dialogue and flow. Overall, extremely well done.

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Skye Eastridge on March 23, 2017, 7:26 p.m. said:

Skye Eastridge


The descriptions of people and places are seriously lacking. You don't know anything about Elsie's physical appearance until quite a bit into the story. The pace is so quick (in the majority of the book) that there's no time to fall in love with the characters or even know what's really going on sometimes. The style of writing is simplistic and almost juvenile at times - it doesn't sound like a woman speaking, it sounds like someone who is incredibly immature and a bit on the selfish side. Even if the character is immature & selfish she needs to at least have flashes of maturity and the use of language (or lack there if) is seriously limiting that. Need a better vocabulary.
All that being said, I did enjoy the premise of the story and feel that it has incredible potential.

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Skye Eastridge on March 23, 2017, 1:24 a.m. said:

Skye Eastridge


The pace seems very rushed

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Sara.Blevins on March 12, 2017, 11:21 a.m. said:

Sara.Blevins


I think you have a really strong handle on dialogue, the conversation is quick and seems to convey good chemistry between your two characters.
I have two suggestions;
One is that I think Elsie tells us a lot about her own personality when it might be better served to slowly reveal through her behaviors and actions. You did that well with her tendency to blurt out factoids, but more of that would go a long way :)
The second thing that I noticed is that the action or pace of the narrative is like rocketing forward at light speed. I think you could slow things down a bit and give the reader time to immerse themselves completely into the story. That way readers are more likely to invest in the long-term with your characters.

At this point, I love your premise and concept and am excited to read more! Can't wait to keep going!

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KM Settle on March 12, 2017, 7:49 p.m. said:

KM Settle


Thank you. I will look into doing that for the next edit.

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