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The Taborda Chosen Kennedy Vega

Description

In the Kingdom of Arshile benevolence and equality rings true. Centuries of relative peace and immense prosperity have been prolific in the country's history due to a tradition of honorable and capable leaders, all of whom have been chosen by the Taborda. The Taborda is an ancient formless being made of churning smoke and ash, so old that its origin is unknown and it is time for it to chose a new leader.

However, an unwillingness to relinquish power, betrayal, deceit, and a rival kingdom will threaten the very existence of Arshile and what it stands for.

Tradition will be upheaved. Old leaders will fall and new ones will rise from their ashes. Ancient opponents will emerge from fallen kingdoms as the struggle for power reaches a crescendo in this tale of love, deception, and magic.

Length

  • 74818 words
  • About 299 pages
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Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

    6

  • Tears

    6

  • Laughs

    6

  • Thrills

    8

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33 comments on "The Taborda Chosen"

Lisa.Rosecrans on Sept. 23, 2017, 11:34 p.m. said:

Lisa.Rosecrans


Grammar! Spell check! It needs a proper editor. It was engaging and colorful. As a grammar fiend and proof reader the errors are frustrating. As a young writer it is obvious that today's speech errors have not yet been educated away.

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Kennedy Vega on Sept. 24, 2017, 11:17 a.m. said:

Kennedy Vega


Thank you so much for your feedback!

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Renae Mercado on Sept. 23, 2017, 10:12 a.m. said:

Renae Mercado


The Taborda Chosen was a creative and imaginative YA fantasy. It was easy to become immersed in the story because of the world building. I love the idea of the Taborda Chosen being somewhat of a surprise for the readers and the main characters were great together. The only aspect that threw me at the beginning was the POV switch but that was nothing major. Overall I loved the unique fresh story of this manuscript!

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Kennedy Vega on Sept. 23, 2017, 11:14 a.m. said:

Kennedy Vega


Thank you so much for your feedback and I am so glad you enjoyed the story! :D

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Fay Voss on Sept. 23, 2017, 12:19 a.m. said:

Fay Voss


I've finished reading and I maintain that the worldbuilding is the strength of this story. There are a few things that could be improved. For one thing, some scenes seem to overlap and some of the language is repetitive. And for another, the use of epithets and a lot of metaphor make some sections read as melodramatic. It made it difficult to connect with the main character during those sections. I do like the characters in and of themselves though. It's just the way they were sometimes presented that fell a little flat. Another thing was the banter between the two leads wasn't really my thing. It seemed... scripted. Predictable. So I couldn't really connect with the humor. But personality-wise they still fit together and have a decent amount of chemistry, so it's more in the way it's written than anything. It's clear in the end that this is the beginning of something more, seems like the start of a series, and enough questions were answered for it to be a satisfying read so far, so that worked out well. The prose could use some work, but the story I enjoyed.

Similar Stories : I'm getting Red Queen vibes.

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Kennedy Vega on Sept. 23, 2017, 8:53 a.m. said:

Kennedy Vega


Hi Fay! Thank you so so much for reading my story and for all your feedback. I definitely agree with all the points you made and will keep your notes in mind as I move forward. This was extremely helpful and exactly what I needed to help make my manuscript better and to grow as a writer. Thank you!

One thing that I would love to get your opinion on is do you think the first part about Even is necessary? Or as a reader do you think it would be better to focus on Naiya and her life in the village and integrate the background some other way?

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Fay Voss on Sept. 23, 2017, 3:11 p.m. said:

Fay Voss


I'm glad my feedback was useful! As for your question, I think it would enrich the story to keep that part in (because it was an interesting plot point and hinted at the larger conflict) but to also weave more of it into the story along the way. I mentioned the pacing before, and the struggles I had with the POV near the beginning. It might be possible to add more of that part of the plot as well as keep the pacing more tempered if the POV was switched to third omniscient. While I was reading I just got the sense it might flow better in third, and be easier to include a wider scope of the world.

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Lisa.Rosecrans on Sept. 22, 2017, 6:01 p.m. said:

Lisa.Rosecrans


The story is great. Engaging. Colourful. As a proof reader, I'm dying to pick up my red pen ....

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Kennedy Vega on Sept. 23, 2017, 8:28 a.m. said:

Kennedy Vega


I'm glad you are enjoying it! And I agree some of the grammar needs fixing :D

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JohnnyV on Sept. 22, 2017, 12:43 a.m. said:

JohnnyV


I read this story orginally on wattpad and I fell in love with Taij and Naiya! Very original and I really enjoyed the plot developments

Similar Stories : Throne of glass

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