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Scratch That Tiana Smith

Description

Mia’s best friend is Cupid. No really. A teenage Cupid who went out of town and foolishly left behind her charmed journal and pen—the two items Mia needs in order to make the football hottie, Vince Demetrius, notice her.

Vince falls for her all right, but Mia doesn't count on Logan, the photographer for the school newspaper who's surprisingly suave and persistent. With two guys now after her, Mia tries to dial down the crazy by directing Logan's feelings elsewhere, namely toward her neighbor, Elena.

Yeah, too bad for Mia, her neighbor likes Vince. As if that wasn't enough, Mia has two weeks until her bestie returns. Fourteen short days to put all the right couples back together or she can kiss her perfect match goodbye forever.

But in this retelling of A Midsummer Night's Dream, the course of true love never does run smooth.

Length

  • 66854 words
  • About 267 pages
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Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

    6

  • Tears

    3

  • Laughs

    9

  • Thrills

    3

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19 comments on "Scratch That"

TheWriterNihaarika on Jan. 22, 2017, 1:37 a.m. said:

TheWriterNihaarika


Amazing!! Can't wait to read more!!

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Tiana Smith on Jan. 22, 2017, 11:34 a.m. said:

Tiana Smith


Glad you're liking it so far!

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Vivyan Lynne on Jan. 20, 2017, 11:14 p.m. said:

Vivyan Lynne


Very fun start! I'm liking Mia a lot, she's a very real character, very high school!

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Kat on Jan. 20, 2017, 6:42 p.m. said:

Kat


I loved the characters, but it was very very predictable and it needed a few more commas.

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Kat on Jan. 19, 2017, 6:22 p.m. said:

Kat


I am already in love with Logan! <3

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swoonygirl on Jan. 18, 2017, 1:37 p.m. said:

swoonygirl


I really enjoyed the story and thought it flowed well. I would recommend it to a YA audience and thought Smith captured high school drama well. I loved Logan's character and the confusion he felt as he struggled with the magic and his true feelings for Mia. The subplots were well done, with Logan's sister, Robyn's convention, and the story for the newspaper (although I thought at the end the newspaper guy would swindle her and claim her story and Logan would step in and save the day- so - I actually liked the way it ended because it was a twist I didn't expect.) There were some great lines and great writing. I love the kiss in the broom closet.

I believe the hooks at the ends of the chapters could have been stronger. Some were great, but there was also room for improvement. We know immediately that Vince is the star football player, hot guy, Mr. Popular, etc . . . but this is repeated far too often. Let your readers retain what you tell them and don't inject it again and again. When Vince tries to make a move in the movie theater, this was a bit surprising for me. HIs character is painted as a bit of an ego maniac who likes popularity, but not as a womanizer or player. Maybe it was the magic, but I understood that the magic draws you like someone and seek their approval, not necessarily to have only a physical attraction. Vince had been so kind and patient with Mia, under the spell of the magic, but when he makes such a jerk move, my opinion shifted. I'm not sure if you want Vince to be a bad guy and this made him look like one. Everywhere else, he's not Logan, he's not super intelligent, but he's not a jerk. He's an egomaniac who's confused by the magic.

Similar Stories : As stated, A Mid Summer Night's Dream

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Tiana Smith on Jan. 18, 2017, 1:51 p.m. said:

Tiana Smith


Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate you taking the time and especially you taking a minute to leave feedback. Those things are good to know and I'll look into ways I might be able to adjust it. :)

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Saundra Luchs on Jan. 16, 2017, 3:37 p.m. said:

Saundra Luchs


Good character development for the most part; storyline was original, funny and sweet; it made me smile; and there was just enough heat between the two main protagonists to make me root for them and feel good inside.
I do think that the Mia's parents were too harsh on her, especially since she's never given them trouble before, and I would definitely take out the part where her mom tells her not to be a harlot because it seems very cruel to say and makes the mom seem like a harsh and horrible person.
Also, I think I'd like to see Mia spend a small amount of quality time with Vince after her date to The Pier with Logan, because she seems to make a 180 degree turn from adoring Vince to not wanting to be with him just because of her date with Logan. It seems to me that she'd still like Vince at that time, and it seems as though she needs to know what it feels like to be around Vince now that he suddenly likes her before she can start to feel like they're not such a good match for each other. Her interest in Vince plunges down to nearly zero too fast.

The "Princess for Hire" series by Lindsey Leavitt

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Tiana Smith on Jan. 17, 2017, 12:27 a.m. said:

Tiana Smith


Thanks for your feedback! And thanks for reading!

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The Editor on Jan. 16, 2017, 3:23 a.m. said:

The Editor


Excellent technical standard of writing, easy, undemanding reading. Cleverly plotted and pacy.
Have one quibble on scenario set-up (see below in the comments section) but otherwise very good.

Similar Stories : Generic teen romances.

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