Share this Manuscript

Emergent Jenn Bridgwater

Description

After being saved by two mysterious boys with strangely glowing hands from a near attack outside the café where she works, Thea’s already stressful life spirals out of control as she discovers her heritage and destiny.
When James appears at her school, the immediate magnetic pull Thea feels towards him scares and electrifies her, especially when she realises that he and his friends are not quite right.
Thea is thrown into James’ world of Elementals, those who can control the elements to benefit humankind, and she is relentlessly hunted for her blood by a rogue Elemental bent on becoming immortal.
Struggling to reconcile her normal life and the strange pull the Elemental world has on her, Thea is terrified that her mortal friends will be a casualty of a war that both she and they know nothing about.

Length

  • 79879 words
  • About 320 pages
Report Manuscript

Please provide as much detail as possible (e.g. page numbers, phrases, etc.) to help our team identify issues.

User Rating

Login to read and rate this book.

Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

    1

  • Tears

    1

  • Laughs

    2

  • Thrills

    6

Report comment

8 comments on "Emergent"

Wilf Gibson on Nov. 27, 2017, 6:09 p.m. said:

Wilf Gibson


Almost all of this book is 'the good part' of the book. The first three quarters fly by, they're entertaining and fun, the characters are fantastic (I even remembered all of their names!) and the interpersonal drama is well polished and well put together. This is the most crucial part of the story and Jenn nails it. The prose isn't the best ever, but it flows and rarely distracts - I wouldn't mess with it too much, maybe another proofread. The scenes between Thea and her friends are a delight to read, and I even realised that I missed them when Thea goes away to Charnock for a few days. Thea herself is a fleshed out character who has responsibilities like her job, her apartment, her car, despite being a high-schooler, and because of the way the characters are written we care about these things alongside her and want to see her succeed in managing her life. James is presented as a charming bad-boy who keeps threatening to flip her world upside down, and even though Thea (and we) want them to get together, we understand the cost and feel that drama as well. Holy cow, this story is AMAZING during the first half. Once the initial (and short) info-dump about Elementals and Charnock are over, most of the scenes that take place in the Elemental HQ are good. Characters are fleshed out, Thea gets to learn about her powers and improve, and we get a sense of what an Elemental can do. The world of Charnock is strangely empty though, we don't get any sense of cooks or receptionists or janitors, let alone how many people actually make up this group of immortal beings. While it's fantastic when the Circle get sent out to deal with Maron and his goons, you kind of have to wonder whether or not Rowan has any special ops teams or whatever that he can send out. The combat isn't flashy but it feels chaotic and has impact. It's one of the things that made me sit up and think "damn, this story might be able to pull off something incredible."

Where the story disappoints is pretty much anything to do with Charnock and Ethan and the overall plot. There are two twists at the end of the story that really soured it for me, one regarding the resolution of an interesting romantic development which just can't help but feel like a cop-out, and the other is a character's secret agenda that I immediately saw coming. Moreover, the climax of the story seems like it's just there because we need a big climax, and none of the character interactions that fuel it feel earned. The climactic showdown not only feels kind of goofy, but it doesn't have a satisfying resolution. I think this comes about because of a misunderstanding of the plot. It's not about Ethan's threat to the Elemental status quo, most of the story is focused on the relationship between Thea and James, and to a broader extent relationships in general. So many of the characters are vivid and a joy to read about, but none of that stuff turns up when the story goes into plot mode. The climax revolves around the complex and estranged relationship between two characters who've had next to no face-time with Thea or the audience. If the villain had had more to do then it might have been more dramatic, but I don't understand why Ethan didn't just try to win Thea over to his side. An elixir that would restore people to life for, what, maybe a shot-glass full of blood? If he'd just asked Thea wouldn't have known better.

I loved this book, I recommend it, particularly the first half. I'm gonna remember this when I have to do edits of the flow of my "characters talking" scenes. Best thing I've read on this site.

Similar Stories : Like if Twilight were written by a competent person.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Wilf Gibson on Nov. 27, 2017, 6:09 p.m. said:

Wilf Gibson


Wow, sorry about the formatting.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Jenn Bridgwater on Nov. 28, 2017, 2:16 a.m. said:

Jenn Bridgwater


Thank you so much for reviewing, Wilf. I'm so glad you enjoyed it mostly - now you've pointed out your frustrations, I can see them clearly in the MS and when it comes to rewriting I'll keep them in mind. I completely see what you mean about Ethan = you're right, Ethan and Thea don't get any face time. And about the romantic thing - I'll have a think about that as well! I suppose Charnock is a bit barren, and that's definitely something I'll remedy next time round.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, it's so nice of you - and you've really made my day! Those positive sentences are going to follow me around!
I'll be looking out for yours - I hope you'll publish it on here!

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Charlotte.Kane on Nov. 26, 2017, 9:39 a.m. said:

Charlotte.Kane


What a great read. This is definitely a different storyline to what I am used to reading and Jenn has done a good job of character believable characters with a fun plotline. There are many twists and turns but Jenn has pulled them off. I look forward to reading a sequel as this ended on a bit of a cliffhanger.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Jenn Bridgwater on Nov. 26, 2017, 9:43 a.m. said:

Jenn Bridgwater


Thank you so much for commenting, Charlotte. Really lovely comments, thank you for taking the time!

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Wilf Gibson on Nov. 21, 2017, 1:24 a.m. said:

Wilf Gibson


This is an exceptionally polished story. Well done. The prose is tight and clean, the description is there without being overbearing. The dialogue is fantastic and feels real. The characters are solid and likeable and we get plenty of time to get to know them. Thea is an orphan, but there are good and bad things about this. She has a lot of responsibility but this comes with independence, not just angst. I also like the emerging love triangle because we got to know the characters first, and because everyone wants the others to get together, rather than the catty garbage we're used to. James and Erin are mysterious and enigmatic, we don't really know if they're good or not.

The pacing is incredible. The story never drags. Even better, nothing really feels like it's happening "because plot." Everything is organic and comes about because of the characters. It's great. A really, really well written story so far, congratulations.

I honestly can't think of anything to criticise, except there are a few typos that another proofread would pick up, but it's clear you've been over this many times.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Jenn Bridgwater on Nov. 21, 2017, 1:39 a.m. said:

Jenn Bridgwater


My eyes are watering - it's dust, I'm not crying, I'm absolutely not crying.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my little story, and writing such a wonderful review! If you weren't on the other side of the world, I'd hunt you down and hug you. And possibly bring you sausage rolls (unless you're a vegetarian).

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Wilf Gibson on Nov. 21, 2017, 2:02 a.m. said:

Wilf Gibson


Glad you enjoyed it! I'm a bit slow reading stuff on here, but I do plan on reading through til the end and leaving a proper rating.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.